Fearless....
It should be something so easy to write about but I have sat staring at the blank screen, thoughts wondering in and out of my head. I keep going back to when I was a kid, maybe 10 years old at the oldest. I went to the mountains with my parents and brother. I can remember jumping from rock to rock and sliding through openings with no wiggle room. I had no worries about spiders or snakes or you know, possibly sliding off the mountain. I had zero worries, zero fear. I remember very clearly my mom telling me to be careful and at one point covering her eyes. I couldn't understand what the big deal was as I made my way out to the edge of this cliff. Now of course I understand. I sometimes wonder how that little girl, so carefree and fearless ended up me today. I went to that mountain almost a year ago when I visited my family. It wasn't the same. or I wasn't the same. Every step was cautionary. No traipsing across rocks out to the edge. I still had a lot of fun and I wasn't sitting on the sidelines. I ran around, from rock to rock. And I know part of it comes with growing up and realizing I'm not immortal. But anxiety played a big roll. At that point I was still 6 months out from my first panic attack. I wonder how a trip to the mountain would go today. I was to go back. I want to be able to jump to the edge of the cliff and look around.
A lot of us may never be fearless. I think fear is a way of our bodies and minds trying to caution us before we do something stupid. In this day and age though, we are bombarded by images and video. The news is a constant barrage of whats scary. Politicians and their fear mongering, terrorism, nukes, war, death, sleeper cell, Al Qaeda, Bin Ladin, Iran, North Korea. Every day. No wonder almost 7 million Americans have general anxiety disorder! (stat is from NIMH)
How I wish I was that fearless little girl again. No terrorism. No Iraq. Just a mountain as a playground.
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5 comments:
I so know how you feel.
Of course, fear is a survival strategy, but to some of us it just goes beyond what we'd like.
Sometimes it seems that fear as a life of its own.
It isn't just that you have changed. Circumstances, including personal circumstances, have changed. I remember that back in 1939, when I was in college, I went to the mountains with two friends, and we would leap from boulder to boulder in a running dance where even stopping might have caused us to fall and break a leg or worse.
Now, 68 years later, I hesitate at the top of the stairs until I find something solid to hang on to before attempting a descent. I think you are reacting to very real dangers. It's fun to remember,, though, isn't it? And to wish ourselves back...
We cannot avoid fear. But we can overcome it...
shapely ghosts
do we learn fear? is it inborn? is it a function of a mature brain? can we "unlearn" fear? such a fascinating topic - I hope you're managing your anxiety attacks - they can be so draining. take care.
i am in full agreement... i spent many a year fearless... and extended it some by consuming mass quantities of drugs and alcohol.. the world is indeed a place very worthy of fear tho these days... and i liked it so much better the other way......
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