In my messenger bag is two notebooks, a workbook and a pill bottle. All my lifelines. I do not leave my Buspirone behind when I go out. Its my anti-anxiety pill. My notebooks are for monitoring my moods. Any anxiety or panics. My workbook is a therapy tool for overcoming all this stuff. I literally carry this on my shoulders.
I carry a lifetime of secrets that have, through the years, become distorted in my mind leaving me to wonder if I could even remember the truth.
I carry with me pain of broken trust. For a stolen childhood. For a little girl who has grown up questioning and self destructing trying to forget.
I carry Hope. For the first time in months I was able to step out of my comfort zone and I didn't end it having to convince myself I'm not dying. Almost a week no panic! I had started fearing that I'd never get to say that again. Ecstatic is an understatement!!
I carry love for the people who have stuck with me and even those who haven't. I have been blessed to know some amazing people.
All in all, I guess I carry the good and bad. Don't we all? Hopefully soon I will be able to carry a blank notebook to just write and I'll be able to leave my stuff behind. There is hope in the future!
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8 comments:
A really tender piece full of emotion. Sounds like you have a new beginning up ahead of you.
excellent beginning to your blog.. the journey into self is something you will find many of us are doing here... trying to keep the demons at bay long enough to figure out how to either eradicate them,, or live in harmony...
my blog is full of armed warfare with my own demons,, and i am all the better i would say for offering them up in the public forum.. my experience has been pleasing and ever so helpful in coordinating my thoughts memories emotions and overcoming little psychosis i have hidden behind...
i am offering you this link,, not as an admonition to how you should react.. but rather as a serviceable tool,, should you decide to make use of it.. i has come in handy for me in many ways over the course of the years since i encountered it...
duh... i forgot the link....
power
Well done! I feel like I carry half the world on my chest sometimes. Hopefully someday we'll simply carry what we carry and be as light as a feather when we want to.
Don't worry. You will shed a few on your way. It always happens that way.
Welcome to the blogging world and SSS!
The books I would write
What a wonderful opening post. So many of us have extra loads and a few scars.
Writing is possibly the best healing tool there is. It releases inner pressures, and, if posted in the blogosphere, will get sympathetic encouragement! Just like now!
Smiles and Light
Gemma
A good beginning for your blog. I too take the same pill and have found writing so helpful. You will find an encouraging world of writing friends at this site.
Well done - I think most of us carry notebooks for some reason or other! Your journey is now!
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